America in the 21st century: We don’t vaccinate our kids, but we spend billions of dollars each year on neurotoxins and other suspected carcinogens to kill dandelions in our grass.

Of course, dandelions are a scourge, even if they do sell them as mixed greens in the grocery store. As a poor kid growing up deprived in an inner-ring suburb, I remember the horror of having to play in yards that were infested with dandelions. The razor-sharp leaves, the disgusting puffballs that shot tiny seeds directly into our eyes, and the noxious yellow flowers still give me nightmares. And don’t get me started on clover.

So, today as spring turns to summer, I for one appreciate the stalwart souls among our neighbors who are ready to sacrifice the health of their children and pets – and the health of my children and pets – to defend us all from the yellow peril.

There’s nothing like a beautiful green, weed-free lawn. Nothing in nature, that is. A mono-culture of non-native plants, poorly-adapted to native soil and climate, of no use whatsoever to native birds and animals, and only kept alive by ferocious applications of water, fertilizer, pesticides, and herbicides. What could possibly go wrong?

You know that the chemicals being sprayed around are completely safe to use. That’s why the lawn care companies place little warning flags on your lawn: Keep Off, Lawn Chemicals Applied!

Nearly half of the pesticides most commonly used by lawn care companies are neurotoxins or are suspected carcinogens. While research continues, many are suspected of causing reproductive harm in humans. Clearly, small prices to pay for lush, green lawns that boost the value of our homes. And with luck, we may be around long enough to sell the places. If not, our heirs will appreciate our efforts.

April 22, 2019